feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
