I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize