Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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