The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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