shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
