PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
