it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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