I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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