i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
