You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
