i would punch a child for taco bell
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
