Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
