Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
