My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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