I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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