I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
