Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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