saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
