No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
