ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Randomize
