i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
