sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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