i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
