I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
