Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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