he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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