you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
