Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
