it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
