I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
