I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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