If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My vagina is very pro this idea
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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