Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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