We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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