I just made out with a guy for $7.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
