I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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