i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize