I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
