I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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