Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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