I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
