she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
