just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
