How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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