I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
