he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
