I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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