You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
