When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
