I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I will pee on everything he values.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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