finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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