When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
