I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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