Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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