its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
