All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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