I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The power of my boobs compel you
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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