and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
