Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
