There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
