I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
