Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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