Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
