mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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