There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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