the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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