No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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