I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I lost the right to judge tonight
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
