I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
