That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
