Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
