There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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