I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
