I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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