Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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