i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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