so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
