I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
