Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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